When in Rome
by Krissie
Summary: You ever been hitched?" Jed/Octavius fluff. Rated for slight language.


Disclaimer: They're not mine. At all. Don't sue me.

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"You ever been hitched?" Jedediah asked as he skidded the toy car around a corner.

"Pardon?" the Roman asked, looking over at Jedediah, confused.

"Y'know, hitched. Hooked up the ball and chain? Took the plunge? Played house?" Jed sighed; Octavius was only good with big words. "Been _married_?"

"Why didn't you say that in the first place?" Octavius asked, and Jed just shook his head. "I've been married twice."

"Twice?" The cowboy stopped the car and looked over at Octavius, surprised.

"The first was never consummated," Octavius went on, "so it hardly counts."

"How does that hardly count? Ya got married in the eyes of God and just because you didn't roll her in the hay, it doesn't count?" Jed scoffed. "Shit, if that's all it takes ta have a good marriage, I oughta've been shackled dozens of times."

"Really? Does the sanctity of marriage mean nothing to your people?"

"Does it ta yours? I've heard stories about what you Roman dudes get up ta when there ain't no women around!"

Octavius arched an eyebrow. "Oh? And just what have you heard?"

"That you get into trouble with other dudes!"

"Does that offend you?"

Jed stuttered a bit, face turning red. "W-well … yes! I mean no! Aw, hell, Ockie! You know I ain't good with this sorta thing!"

Octavius started to laugh at the look on Jed's face. "What do your men do without women?"

"I—well—that's different!" Jed snapped, looking away.

"How so?"

"We do it out of necessity!"

"And we do not?"

"I'm done with this conversation," Jed spat, climbing out of the car and stalking off, muttering to himself.

Octavius watched Jed leave, then scrambled to follow. "Jedediah! Wait!" The soldier caught his friend easily; Jed hadn't really been trying to get away, just get some space. "Jedediah, please. If I have offended you, I apologise."

"You didn't offend me, okay? It's just … weird!"

"Jedediah, there are many differences between our cultures. Perhaps it is just that this is not something your people embrace?"

Jed shrugged. He couldn't tell his friend the real reason the subject had him so fired up. Even if Octavius himself didn't hate Jed for feeling more than friendly, if word got out to his men …

Jed didn't know how they'd take it. It was the sort of thing that everyone knew happened but everyone pretended didn't. And Jed had, until recently, prided himself on his queer blinders. As long as it didn't hinder their work, who was he to judge the goings-on of anyone's bedroll?

"Jedediah, I am truly sorry that I've said something wrong," the Roman murmured softly, wanting to reach out and comfort his friend.

"You didn't do anythin' wrong, okay? You just answered my question."

"And upset you in some way. I apologise, my friend," Octavius said, bowing his head slightly before turning to leave, to give the cowboy some space to think.

"Hey—where're you going?" Jed asked, catching Octavius's arm. "Don't leave me alone here, okay?"

"I was giving you space," Octavius said, turning back to his friend.

"I don't need no space," Jed said, voice oddly calm before he roughly pressed his lips to Octavius's. He pulled back after a moment, panting softly. "Sorry."

"Don't apologise, my friend," Octavius said, more than a little dazed.

"I … I just assaulted you!" Jed said, shoving away and rubbing a hand over his face. "I wasn't plannin' on assaultin' you!"

"You did nothing of the sort. You were merely acting on an impulse, and I commend you for not taking out your frustrations with your fist."

Jed groaned, shaking his head. "Y'know, for such a smart dude, you ain't too quick on the uptake, are you?" And with that, he leaned in once more, kissing Octavius hard, not pulling back until the soldier had begun to kiss back.

"There. Didja get my meaning that time?"

Octavius could only nod. "I … I believe so," he breathed.

"You weren't offendin' me, okay? Just—you gotta give me time ta figure things out."

"Would you prefer if I were not here while you figure things out?" Octavius asked, "or will my being here for any more such … outbursts be more beneficial?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?" Jed asked, caressing the Roman's cheek softly before kissing him a third time, this time knocking his hat to the ground.

"Jedediah, please!"

"Please? Oh, that's what I'm tryin' ta do!"

Octavius rolled his eyes. "Stop," he commanded, and Jed reluctantly obeyed. "iPlease/i, explain what brought this on."

"Well, it's not like I never gave it any mind, before, y'know?" Jed mumbled, picking his hat up and worrying the brim. "It's just—I never had the courage until now ta do anythin' about it. You're a bit scary sometimes, didja know that?"

"I should hope so," Octavius murmured imperiously. "What kind of soldier doesn't strike fear into the hearts of his enemies?"

"The kind that don't have any enemies," Jed replied. "I ain't your enemy."

"No, you're not," Octavius agreed softly. "You are my friend, my best friend."

"An' I wanna be more than a friend," Jed whispered. "I've been thinking about it all the time—when you're sitting beside me in the car—when you're off doing your soldier things—all the damn time, Ockie! An' you … an' you …"

"When Rome was at its height," Octavius cut in, "it was not at all uncommon for a man to take a male lover before marriage, or, indeed, for him to keep that lover while married."

Jed's lip twitched slightly as he tried his best not to smile. "So … when in Rome?" he began cheekily.

Octavius just kissed him again.


End file.
